Cherish Them.

"If there is anything you want to do with Handsome, do it now. Don't waste a second of his life. Hold him. Love him. Do everything you want to do with him while you can, because I don't think he has long left. And I don't want to see you come through those emergency room doors a month from now and when I have to tell you there is nothing else we can do, I don't want you to look at me and say you thought you had more time. I don't want you to tell me you wish you had held more or told him you loved him more often. I really don't want to mislead you into thinking you have time, because you might not." 

That was one of the last conversations I had with Handsome's doctor before he was discharged. I think about those words often. When I write a blog, for instance, I used to lay Handsome in his swing and Doc in his pack n' play and I'd blog while the big kids played in their room or were gone to school. But now, when I sit down to type up a blog the warning from Handsome's neurologist plays in my head and I get up, pick Handsome up from his swing and I hold him a little bit longer then I did the day before. 

At night, we all like to curl up in mommy's bed and read a book. Skywalker and Heidi take turns trying to sound out the words, while LB, Handsome, and Doc lay and listen. I use to rush this night time tradition. I'd pick a small Dr. Seuss book knowing that we could read it quickly and then head to our own beds for sleep, but now, when we pick a book we pick the biggest chapter book on the shelf. (that is appropriate for children, of course) 

I have doubled the amount of times I hug my kids each day. I have tripled the amount of I love yous I say to them. And I am finding way more time to spend with them. Time that I thought before I did not have. I needed to clean, plan meals, cook, clean some more, do laundry.... I always had an excuse, but I have since learned that the laundry can wait. The house doesn't need to be immaculate all day, every day. I have learned that the time I have spent trying to keep up appearances and trying to be perfect, is time much better spent playing with my kids. 

All of my kids. Not just Handsome. He may be the one with the impossibly heart breaking prognosis, but if I learned anything for the last two years, it's that nothing in life is guaranteed. We aren't guaranteed a healthy pregnancy, a smooth delivery, a child without flaws. We aren't guaranteed a lifetime with our children. I think that's something, we need to be reminded sometimes. No matter how little, how young, how healthy or how sick, someone can be gone tomorrow. 

After reading so much about Handsome's story, I hope you all take a step back and think about how it could be you in my shoes. It could be your child. 

If you never learn anything else from my blog, if my craft tutorials or cleaning tips are nothing new to you, if my journeys through fitness and organization don't teach you anything, if you get nothing else out of this website, I want my son's story to at least make you appreciate your children a little bit more. I hope after hearing about Handsome and his struggles, that you go home from work and hug your kids tighter. I hope that you spend five extra minutes a day reading to them. And I hope that you tell them you love them one more time then you did yesterday. Because tomorrow, you may not have the option anymore. You shouldn't need a poor prognosis and a terminal illness to appreciate your children, to want to be with them, cherish them, and love them as much as you possibly can.